5 Things I Want to Tell My Daughter’s Mother

On this Mother’s Day, when much of the world remains in COVID-19 lock down, I have had ample time to reflect on this…my first Mother’s Day with our sweet girl.

It has also made me reflect more on the connection she has with her birth mother, even if she doesn’t realize this to its full extent at her young age. In the adoptive world, many recognize yesterday, the Saturday before Mother’s Day, as “Birth-Mother’s Day,” but I choose today to always share this day with our little one’s birth mother. Without her, I would not be her daughter’s mother.

If I could meet the woman who gave my daughter life, I would want to share these five things from my heart to hers…

1. I am so sorry for the tremendous loss! I don’t know what events led up to our daughter being placed in a children’s home, but I know that no matter what the circumstances, traumatic grief followed for everyone involved. As a mom who has had four miscarriages, I know the grief of losing a child…even when it was an unexpected pregnancy. I don’t think it’s possible for a mother to know she has given life to a tiny human and then forever put that child out of her mind and heart. That incredible experience of giving birth, holding your child in your arms and then having those arms emptied for ANY reason can only be accompanied with horrific grief. We will experience that grief alongside our daughter when she’s old enough to realize who and what she has lost.
2. Thank you for choosing life! In a world that doesn’t recognize every life as valuable, I will be eternally grateful that you chose life for our girl. You chose life…from her conception to the day that she arrived in someone else’s care, you chose life! Because of you, she is here today. As grateful tears flow down my face, words cannot fully express what this gift truly means, but thank you…thank you…thank you!
3. You will forever hold a special place in our daughter’s life! From your culture, your food, your clothes, your history (what little we know of it)…our daughter will learn of you and where she was born. If the day should come that she would want to try to find you or learn more of you, we will help her with this. You are her birth mother…her first mother…her mom. Nothing can break that bond.
4. Your daughter is loved! We can’t imagine our lives without our bundle of joy and energy. We love her so very much! Her laugh is infectious. Her smile contagious. Her snuggles warm. Her kisses sweet. She is a completely different child than the one we met over eight months ago. To see her three older brothers protect her, love her and teach her so very many things, she is truly blossoming more and more each day! God’s incredible love has accomplished this in her and through us.
5. You are loved! We love you. We truly do. We will always tell our daughter to love you…no matter what may have happened before she came into our home. Not that those years are meaningless and can or should be forgotten, but we hope our daughter will learn through time that God’s love is full of grace and mercy that He is ready and able to help her pour out on all those around her…including you. His love is bigger and greater than we can fully comprehend! We pray for you often, that you will someday know of this love for yourself. “For God so loved the world…” (John 3:16a).

Be hopeful, friend! Abound in His steadfast love!